I haven’t been writing as frequently as I used to. While taking care of responsibilities and working towards goals, I often lose out on the creative and emotional aspects of life. It is when I finally call it a day, brush my teeth and lie down in bed, I reflect on what I did not accomplish.
But I made myself a promise that I will write about you every year on or around your birthday. Everyone longs to move on from pain & grief. At the same time we don’t want to forget. And yes I used to overdo on keeping myself busy. I might have lost touch with many super cool people due to super packed schedules. But you were my best friend and regret losing touch with you when you needed someone the most. I wish we weren’t apart, I wish we had talked more than just ‘kya chal raha hai? kahan hai?’
You were so ambitious and a people person. There was so much left for you to explore and achieve. We used to talk about going abroad. Two kids from small towns of Rajasthan, boarding trains & buses to study miles away in Himachal, talking about starting businesses, travelling the world and what not. You always had big plans and we could have achieved all of them if life was fair at all.
I remember on one of our journeys back home, I was resting my head on your shoulder and sleeping. Your stop was near and you had to wake me up. And that’s all I keep recalling this time of the year. Losing you felt like waking up from that sleep and seeing you walk away, get off the train, waving goodbye.
I have always loved you Nitin. Rest in peace.
There was a time when I used to express like anything. Speak, write, talk! There were certain situations in my life where I felt bad about expressing, expecting something out of it and not really getting it. It makes you take a step back and close doors. I gave myself some time to heal and started opening up again. Started trusting. Meeting new people. Living and smiling. After all life goes on.
